The Struggles of a Solo Female Asian Traveler

We live in a society where we’re expected to live up to societal norms and many times, forget about what’s around us. We get accustomed to a particular lifestyle and pick up routines that fit our current schedule. This pattern is a particular habit that many of us choose, and it usually will be the right path that we’re supposed to choose in that given time.

Traveling is a luxury to man and a hobby to some. Unending excitement might be an understatement of having the opportunity to travel, whether it’s for a short or a long period of time. The world has so much to uncover with millions of people living in this singular space. According to World O Meters, there are 7.8 billion people in this world, which means that there are 7.8 billion people who have the power to potentially impact. And the more we live, hopefully the more we accept that this world is just a created reality. That there’s more than just the bubbles we create with endless lessons and realities ready to being created.

As a solo female asian traveler, there are a handful of opportunities yet struggles that I’ve picked up from this lifestyle. Experiences will vary from person to person but the experiences mentioned below are first hand, personal experiences. Disagreements will be made but with anything, takeaways from life are subjective to the individual.

I’d like to assume that most Gen X Asian-Americans are first generations. Meaning that our parents worked and busted their asses off in order for us to have a better life in the states. Meaning that our parents worked 12 hour days to put a roof over our heads and food on the table. Meaning that taking breaks or vacations were never an option. Meaning that survival meant using the very last bit of energy to give their children freedom and opportunities to obtain a higher quality of life.

Moving to a country where you don’t how to communicate with majority of the population takes a lot of courage. Adjusting to unfamiliar culture and society takes a lot of energy to even adjust to. But is this categorized under travel? Or planting seeds for future generations?

Traveling comes with an unending number of benefits, perks and lessons. Yet, there are also infinite number of struggles that come with this as a lifestyle as well. For one, as a solo traveler, you don’t have to worry about anyone else’s time. Time is the one thing we don’t get back, which is valued differently, independently. As an east coast native, I’ve been raised to be aggressive with my time. Like with anything, there needs to be a balance or you’ll most likely experience burn out. Balance between life, enjoyments of hobbies, friends and family, self love, and the list goes on. But as we progress and grow older, the list fluctuates constantly. But that’s the enjoyment and pursuit of life, isn’t it?

Before going into individual points about the struggles experienced as a solo female asian traveler, I will tell you that I’ve categorized this blog post into sections. Struggles split into three sectors that define persona in this lifestyle, and topics resonating to people of gender, race and culture centralized in the most authentic way possible.

Contemplating and documenting stories for years, I’m quite nervous to share some of the truths of living out this lifestyle. This particular blog post is structured a little differently than most of my blogs but this topic is critical and important for the world to hear. And before I go into my points, I want to point out that if you resonate with any of these points to not hesitate and reach out. Let’s dive in.

How this lifestyle can be perceived

This title was broken down as to what I thought best defined my lifestyle. Now, as this is subjective to the individual, I could’ve broken this post into hundreds of different variations. But as I’ve picked up traveling as my job, I can now break it down to how these three components have gained the most attention. So as a solo, female and asian traveler…

I struggle with how I am ethically viewed.

Born and raised in America, I consider myself as a Korean first, then an American. But I have more American than Korean habits but I’ve lived in the US my entire life. So why is it that I categorize myself as a Korean first? It’s also odd how although I’ve lived in America my whole life, I sometimes still struggle with how I am ethically viewed. To whom, the larger crowd? To non-asians? To Americans? To Western people? To be quite frank, yes I do.

Growing up, I grew up in a small town in New Jersey that was populated with Koreans and Jews. But not just any type of Korean and Jews, but the smartest and wealthiest Koreans and Jews.

And I was neither.

I wasn’t even smart enough to take ‘normal’ classes in high school that I was put into special education. Yes, throughout time, I eventually was put into normal classes but was given additional resources, such as having a teachers assistant in every single class. Or having extra time for every exam.

And although these perks were amazing, I was embarrassed that I needed extra help.

I also wasn’t wealthy where I’d get BMWs and Louis Vuitton bags on my 16th birthday. I had to work my ass off to make money. As a matter of fact, when I was 16-years old, I picked up my first job at a pizzeria because I wanted to make money in order to spoil myself. I was never spoiled as a kid, never got gifts unless it was money, but I never cared about receiving money because that’s what I made at work.

I ended up working at that pizzeria for 5-years and am forever grateful that I was given the opportunity to do so. Not because I became a professional pizza chef, but because I learned from the most humble human being on this planet. Andrew, you still run through my thoughts and till this day, you were the best boss I could’ve ever asked for. You taught me everything from enjoying the little things in life, providing outstanding customer service, and treating others with kindness.

So how does this all relate to my current state as a solo female asian traveler?

Because even though I’ve built up my foundation here in the US, I still struggle with the mindset of meeting expectations. Because I come from a rich and smart town, everyone I meet outside my town thinks I’m academically smart. Simply because at that time, I grew up in one of the top 3 publics schools in New Jersey and because Tenafly’s median income is $100,000+. Well, let me first tell you that not all Koreans are good at math. Plus, I’d like to emphasize on the median income part.

While traveling, there are obvious times where I’m the only Asian in certain districts or surrounding areas. So when I meet non-Asians, some people automatically think I’m more versed in certain things, such as math or school, simply because I’m Asian. There are times where I don’t get taken seriously or even considered because the color of my skin. When I’m in extremely white, dominated areas, I’m overlooked. Am I that insignificant to people? But then why is it that when we connect on social media, all of a sudden people are more willing to speak to me? Smh!

Whether I’m in a restaurant, coffee shop, store, nature, etc, I always look around to see if there are any other Asians in the room. Why do I do this? I’m not exactly sure why, but I guess I typically look for people of similar race. Sometimes, it seems right and it feels comforting. I am comfortable being the only Asian in the room talking to non-Asians in the room but again, sometimes I’m overlooked. I’m not taken as seriously as the white, blonde girl with beautiful eyes and tiny waist.

Sometimes I wonder, if I was a white, blonde female with big breasts and a tiny waste, would I be treated differently and with more respect?

Honestly, hell yes.

I struggle as a female in general.

Yes, there are perks of being a female. But as a female traveler, you have to be that much more cautious about your surroundings. Before I left home to travel full time, my father told me that he wanted to make sure that I followed 3-rules. And as long as I followed his 3-rules, he told me that he’s okay with me doing whatever I wanted.

His top 3-rules are:

Safety
Safety
Safety

After I consider safety during my travels, I can do whatever I want. I mean, this should be a life rule, right? He is absolutely right because although I do trust a handful of strangers; oddly enough, sometimes I don’t get fully respected in ways I wish I did.

Misinterpreted Dates

Because one of my goals while traveling is to meet the locals, I reach out to people very often. If interests and goals align, I will ask to grab food or coffee in order to get to know them. And I do this very often. But when I reach out to guys, most of them take the ask as dates. Are they dates? Maybe? But I initially reach out because I want to get to know them as human beings. Not dudes I want to hook up with. What if these guys are the only people I click and vibe with in particular cities? Not that I’m using them to get to know the city, but because certain guys are the only people I get comfortable with in short periods of time.

Food and coffee dates can definitely be perceived differently than others. I remember getting dinner with a guy while traveling and during dinner, he told me he only agreed to meet up with me because he hasn’t been asked out by a girl in years. Then he started getting flirty and told me he wanted to watch a movie after dinner. You know what goes down during and after movies! Was bit of a turn off because my intention wasn’t to hook up with him at all.

I’ve always been bad with boys, dates, relationships, knowing if guys hit on me or not. Jeez, I didn’t know what a booty call was until my sophomore year in college for crying out loud.

When some guys find out that I’m solo traveling in their territory, I noticed that some try to take advantage of that. Again, thank God for my aggressive, east coast attitude where I’m not afraid to say no. But am I open to dates? Yeah, for sure. But anything more than that? I’m cool.

I struggle with good byes.

I can’t even start telling you how many people I’ve met along my journey who I’ve clicked with instantly. People who I can say will be my friends for life, which is a beautiful feeling. But since I’m huge on relationship building, I get deeply invested in building these relationships that when it’s time to say good bye, I get so emotional.

It hit me the hardest when I left San Francisco and Denver. I mean so far, those are the only cities I’ve lived in for an extended period of time. But during my stay in these cities, I’ve had enough time to build deep relationships with a handful of people who I had such a hard time saying good bye to.

down a$$ b1tches

In San Francisco, I’ve included myself in a huge photography community who are some of the most talented photographers out there. Not only are they great photographers, but they’re also ambitious human beings. We created this group chat called “down a$$ b1tches” on Instagram and would message each other to see whose down to catch sunrise and sunset everyday.

Today, there are 15+ people in this group chat. The craziest thing is that most of the people in this group have a 9-5 desk job. So, we’d all meet up for sunrise, get coffee if needed, and then send everyone to work. Not that I have any but as a freelancer, I almost felt as if I was sending my kids to school.

Finding Buds for Life on Couchsurfing

When I was leaving Denver, it was really hard to say my good byes, too. Not because I also had a crew of 15 photographers who were all down a$$ bitches, but because I got super close to my Couchsurfing host. I went to Colorado the first time knowing absolutely no one but felt instantly welcomed because of how inviting Iggi was.

Iggi included me into his everyday life, showed me around the best coffee shops, educated me on all of Denver’s history, and even housed me the second time I came around Denver. I didn’t expect to come back to Colorado so soon, but I of course had to to celebrate his birthday at Meow Wolf. Iggi, thanks for inviting me to go to New Mexico and taking me to places I never thought I’d ever visit this year. Hands down, buds for life!

Not Good Byes but see you laters

To every single one of you guys were were open to exchanging a meal or a conversation with me, I just want to let you know that these are not permanent good byes. I was on the phone with Bianca the other day, someone whose been moving around her entire life.

What’s interesting is that I’m totally fine with being on the go and I’m comfortable moving around as often as I do. But because I leave cities in the depth of building these relationships, it’s been hard for me to move onto the next. When I was on the phone with Bianca, I expressed that I feel as if I leave a part of me in each city because of how accepted and comfortable I get with certain people.

Bianca was and still is the perfect person to talk to about this because she lived through it. She also told me that the people you meet and connect with wherever you are in the world will always be a part of your journey as long as you allow them to be. So, just because you’re leaving their physical presence doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re never going to see them again. They are only temporary “see you later” departures rather than permanent “good byes”.

Written Tears

During my second to last night in Denver, I went to a coffee shop crying. I was writing about how excited I was to move onto the next city yet sad to leave the beautiful city of Denver. Excited to explore yet sad to leave every beautiful soul I’ve met. Growing pains. I guess they’re good for you, right?

Maybe I’m just being really emotional, but it hit me harder than anticipated because I didn’t expect to build such beautiful, meaningful relationships with so many people.

It’s weird because when Debbie moved to Korea, I was the only one out of our friend group who didn’t cry. Maybe that’s because I was so excited for her to enter a new chapter in another country and because I knew that I was going to see her again. With everyone else I’ve met, I’m not entirely sure if I’ll ever see them again. Is this a problem with wanting to wanting to care for so many people?

I struggle with the balance of survival and exploration.

One of the most common questions people ask me is how I’ve been able to travel for as long as I have been. How have I been financially supporting myself? People, let me tell you that in the beginning, I didn’t know how I was going to do it at all. But I’ve literally been figuring it out. And I’m so happy that I didn’t waste any more time in Jersey trying to figure it out. Why? Because I knew that if I had any more time to stall, I would’ve been in Jersey months after my initial departure.

I’m not trying to brag but as cliche as it sounds, I’m currently living in my dreams. And now that I’m living the life I’ve always desired, I need to consider this new lifestyle. Despite the number of places I could venture off to, I do have to consider how I’m going to be able to make a living off of traveling. Not necessarily a bad thing if I had passive income coming in, but I don’t. But this is also where the concept of figuring it as you go come into play and defining the balance of exploring and hustling.

>> Read More: How to Travel Full Time with No Job

Now that I’m traveling full time, I might as well change my title to “How to Travel Full Time with No 9-5 Desk Job”. Because let’s be real. These days, there are so many opportunities to make money with just a laptop and reliable WiFi. Just understand the worth of your time, skillset and value as a contributor.

Since the end of 2019, I’ve been freelancing full time. And during the beginning stages of my journey, I was extremely frugal with money. Frugal to the point where there would be times I wouldn’t eat for hours. Now, I’ve made it a conscious effort to eat well wherever I go. How? A couple of ways but for one, I stepped myself out of limiting beliefs.

When I first starting traveling, I limited myself from trying out a ton of restaurants because I was out of budget. But with this shift in mindset, I’d find a way to pay off a meal if the dish was reasonably priced. And till this day, I don’t want money to come in the way of my total travel experience and miss out on tasting iconic foods.

The days leading up to fruition

I’ve always been a people person and through this have learned to network my heart out in every visited destination. I put myself out there by posting and engaging in Facebook groups, utilizing Instagram hashtags, and following up with my network through Asana. Yes, it’s a lot of work but organization and hard work will pay off in the long run. Promise. Just think about the rewards that show up in 30, 60 and 90 days that lead up to fruition.

Of course I do my absolute best to be present in the moment and learn more about the art of traveling. But sometimes I feel as if I miss out on experiencing the fullness of certain cities because of how much work that needs to get done. And now that I’m addicted to buying one-way flights, I don’t feel rushed exploring from city to city anymore. From this, I’ve learned to say no when necessary, practice self-care more often and to simply enjoy the beauty of life.

I struggle with not intentionally hurting people.

I’d like to say that I’m a pretty easy going person. I’m chill and outgoing until you push my buttons. Maybe it’s my east coast-er side coming out but if you piss me off, I have no problem being a b*tch to you. And since I’m very direct, some things I say may rub people the wrong way. If you know me, I will never say anything to purposely hurt you.

I’m sorry if I have ever rubbed you the wrong way. But the only reason why I am upfront and am confrontational is for a few reasons. For one, I don’t like playing the guessing game. And two, I only want to make the relationship stronger. Not everyone is good with confrontation and I respect it, but don’t you want to get out of your head and fix particular underlying issues? There have been times where people have stopped talking to me as often because of how upfront I am with them. I guess I scare people off in the most unintended way?

Feedback is so important in this imperfect life. And the reason why feedback is so important is to help you become the best version of yourself. And again, sorry if I’ve ever hurt you. I never meant to do so on purpose but I do believe that everyone is entitled to their feelings and how they’re allowed to express them. That could be in the form of confrontation, being dormant, or whatever else it might be. And because I learned how important self love and honesty is the hard way, the last thing I want from you is to fall into this trap. And that’s why I constantly share.

To sum it all up…

Portrait of the struggles of a solo female asian traveler in Denver, CO

The reason why I’m sharing my struggles is to be 100% transparent with you.

Although this blog post outlines all the things that I’m struggling with as a solo female asian traveler, there is more good that comes with it. And to be quite frank, I don’t think there will be a time where I’ll be entirely over these struggles because it’s a way of life. These growing pains might just be part of the game.

I would be lying to you if I told you that everything was 100% perfect. Yes, there are a bunch of digital nomads who probably are handling these particular struggles better off than I am, but this is my form of expression. I want you to consider things that you might potentially struggle with not only as a full time traveler, but as a full time ‘anything’ throughout your life.

Hopefully, I didn’t shoo you away from all my struggles. But I am working through it as I go. And because I am in the mindset of wanting to be the best version of myself, my way of giving back is sharing with the world. And because I’ve seen how many lives I’m been able to touch, I promise I’ll never stop sharing.

Given the opportunity to balance out having total life freedom is a gift. And for this reason, all feedback is welcome. Positive or negative. Also, if I don’t respond to you in days, it’s not because I’m ignoring you but because I want to give you my undivided attention when responding.

Love each and every one of you guys.

Happy traveling, everyone!